


Kitty Cat Mayhem

by TamotanTheOctopus



Series: Handcuffed Together [4]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Cats, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, as in several of them, give these boys some kitties, in the literal sense and emotional sense, just sweet fun, winston doesn't intend to be mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 20:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11882184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TamotanTheOctopus/pseuds/TamotanTheOctopus
Summary: McCree and Hanzo are away on their own missions when fate(?) seems to bring them some new companions!Give these boys some kitties!This may be near the two year mark of their relationship?*I like seeing McHanzo find scrawny abandoned animals as much as the next person but what if they're the ones found?*





	Kitty Cat Mayhem

**Author's Note:**

> What's better than one cat but 3???  
> Absolutely self indulgent cat story.  
> There aren't enough of these.  
> I regret nothing.

McCree and Hanzo were on relatively opposite ends of the world on missions. Hanzo was bundled up in the middle of a Russian blizzard on a diplomatic meeting. Overwatch was only gaining speed once again and Winston had requested the elder Shimada's help in a public appearance at a peace conference. McCree was chasing down a stolen weapons cargo in Dorado sweating more than he ever had in his life.   
They were both enjoying their respective missions, all things considered. Hanzo enjoyed the chilly weather, the snow making a rather pretty scene. He even took a selfie against the pure white backdrop. McCree had told him indulging in the occasional selfie was nothing to hide. Hanzo had an ever-growing photo folder on his phone for his travel selfies.   
McCree loved the feeling of the dirt in his lungs, enjoying the suffering of his team. Most of them were vehemently against the dry heat but he and Gabe flourished in it. When McCree received Hanzo's latest selfie, the whole team had groaned in jealousy. McCree was more enamored with Hanzo's small smile and the way the snow behind him seemed to glow.   
*  
It was McCree who first came across a small bundle of fur, nearly tripping over it right by their safe house. Weapons retrieved and set up for evac, the team was looking forward to at least being out of the sun. McCree had opted to stay out a bit longer and have a smoke when a high-pitched mewl almost had him stomping the ground around him in surprise.   
A small, light orange cat with bright streaks of white across its body, looked up at the gunslinger, happy to have some attention. Immediately the cat wove its way between his legs and McCree had a heck of a time actually getting his hands on the little guy.  
The cat meowed loudly, unhappy at being caught but soon found a plaything in McCree's serape. Further inspection proved the cat to be a female and McCree chuckled, running his flesh hand across her body. The cat seemed content to paw and knead at this serape, her claws occasionally sticking to the fabric. She looked well fed but their safe house was remote as remote got so obviously she wasn't somebody's pet. No tags and his new friend most certainly needed a bath.   
He couldn't help but squirm as she wiggled around his neck. Her fur was soft and tickled his neck, her purring sending a shiver down his spine. Such a sweet, trusting thing. McCree couldn't just shoo her away and managed to open the door, the cat only becoming more and more relaxed in his grip.  
"Jesse what's took you so long to smo-" Gabe's jaw drops as McCree enters the small building, the small cat purring away like crazy, all cozied up near his neck. If that wasn't a sight that brought back some memories. McCree always had a penchant for finding strays. Course in the past he could never keep them.  
"Where did you find the cat?" Genji chuckles, amused at the sight. He quickly pulls out his phone, zooming in for some glamor shots. The cat preens at the attention and even seems to pose. Hanzo would certainly appreciate these photos later on. Good bargaining material to get his brother to do something for him.  
"Found her outside. She's obviously been eatin' well enough but she's certainly on her own." Mei lets out a small coo, McCree taking mercy on the poor woman and walking to where she is sprawled out on a couch. Mei is not a woman built for this kind of heat.   
"You intend to keep her I imagine?"   
McCree shrugged nonchalantly as the kitty wiggled away and plopped onto the ground. He did love animals and she was mighty cute. Did Hanzo like cats?   
"My brother is fond of cats if that is what you are wondering. He likes dogs but cats have a sense of self sufficiency my brother finds an admirable trait."   
Well, at least Hanzo would be on board. Now what to name her?  
"Come here kitty kitty," McCree kneeled, beckoning the cat towards him. She was happy to oblige the cowboy, bounding over to him and laying down on her side. McCree slipped his phone out of his pocket, quickly taking multiple photos as he gently scratched at her stomach.  
"Are you going to tell Hanzo right away?" Genji knelt down beside him, offering a hand for the cat to bat at. The light reflecting off of his hand had her swishing her tail in excitement.  
"I'm thinkin' she'd make a mighty fine surprise."  
"What're you going to name her?" Gabe couldn't hide his amusement. McCree and naming animals was always a treat.   
"Hmmm, well, given her color and how sweet she is, I'm thinkin' Creamsicle." Everyone couldn't help but laugh and Creamsicle jumped up as Genji sat back, shifting so he was directly in the sun beaming through the window. Chasing the light reflecting off his armor proved a worthy challenge of the mighty Creamsicle.  
"I think she likes it!" McCree snapped a few more pics, Creamsicle and Genji making an adorable sight.  
Wasn't everyday a man could see a robot ninja playing with a sweet cat.  
McCree couldn't stop the lovesick grin at the thought of Hanzo cuddling with the cat.   
~  
"Hanzo, that about wraps up the summit." Jack found Hanzo gazing out another window, a small cup of water in his hands.  
"That is good to hear. While this has been the best endeavor for Overwatch, all of the politics have been draining me." The two men chuckle, sharing the sentiment. There is a sudden yell and both men assume a fighting stance, only to be stunned when two cats careen around the corner right into Hanzo.   
Hanzo blinks at the two creatures, unfamiliar with the breed. They are both varying shades of gray and black, one with large black patches on its back and the other with the black on its belly. Their tails are almost nonexistent and Hanzo cannot help but fear what kind of accident caused them to lose their tails. Both creatures glare at Hanzo and he cannot help but feel an odd sense of familiarity. Both have a similar golden hue to their eyes and a young woman rounds the corner, breathing heavily.  
"Excuse me gentlemen! Please grab those two!" Jack and Hanzo both scoop up a cat before the two book it once more. "Pardon me, they were intended as a gift from one of the ambassadors to his sibling but things got ugly and these two managed to escape."  
"Were they rejected by their master?" The young woman nods and Hanzo cannot help the pang he feels in his heart. The one he is holding nuzzles into him, idly flinging a paw at Hanzo's ribbon.   
The one Jack holds struggles to get closer to its sibling and finally Jack catches on, stepping closer to Hanzo and bringing the cat some peace.  
"The ambassador who brought them loathes cats but thought their sibling would enjoy them. Right now he is trying to find them a home and so far no one is interested." Hanzo runs a hand down the back of his guest, wheels in his head turning.  
"What breed of cat are they?" Jack faces the young girl, drawing attention from Hanzo who looks deep in thought.  
"They are Kurilian bobtails. Closely related to the Japanese bobtail but a breed that remains a bit on the wild side."   
Hanzo liked the sound of that. Wait.  
Was he actually considering this? It was risky, truly a rash decision, their base wasn't designed with feline companions in mind but-  
But the cat in his arms was playful and fluffy and warm. He cast a glance at Jack who saw the look for what it was.   
He had never seen the Shimada actually look nervous, well except for around McCree but that was a totally different situation.   
Looking down in his own arms, the cat in his arms seemed more than content to just relax.   
Letting out a sigh, Jack relented. "Would you perhaps take us to this ambassador? We may be able to help out."  
*  
"Let me get this straight. You two finally help Overwatch in the publics eye and you end up adopting two cats." Winston is floored. Apparently it was Hanzo's idea and the cats certainly did seem fond of him. Almost as fond as he seemed of them.  
"I understand it is a rash and foolish wish but, they were without a home and I was never allowed pets as a child." Well if that doesn't just tug at Winston's heartstrings. He's sure the same applies for Genji. Hanzo certainly seems responsible enough to handle some pets. Though the man has never had any....  
"It also seems Udon and Soba have "adopted" them." Ah yes. Udon and Soba were sitting on the bed curled around the cats, the four seeming close.   
"Are you telling me that even if I said no, the dragons would put up a fight?" Hanzo only shrugs, honestly not entirely sure.  
"It is entirely possible. They have never reacted so, strongly to another living creature that wasn't me." If Hanzo was less of a man he may have been jealous. Genji might've if Egg suddenly made an animal friend.  
"I- listen. I should say no. However, I trust you Hanzo and I do believe you can handle two cats. Only these two though. Ok?" Hanzo nodded and turned his attention back to his new pets. A pair of brothers. Somehow it seemed fitting.   
What to name them?  
~  
"McCree and his team should be returning to base soon." Hanzo had been back at Gibraltar a few days and Hanzo had sworn everybody to secrecy. No one was allowed to let the team returning of the cats. Especially McCree.   
The cats hadn't been quite as destructive as anyone had first imagined. It had taken Hanzo a day to properly name them but he was content with his choices.  
Takumi and Takeo. Warrior and artisan. Takumi had the darker splotches of color on his back while Takeo had them on his side.   
Takumi received his name upon his fight with Udon. Something set the two off and Hanzo had to drag them apart. Both were the more prideful one of their respective duos and seemed to be challenging the others authority.  
Takeo had knocked over a bottle of ink and made a mess. His inky paw prints had left quite a pretty trail around Hanzo's room. Luckily the ink had come completely out of his sheets in only six washes.  
"Genji insists they have found something amazing but wouldn't say what. I'm honestly afraid." Angela sighed. She hadn't heard his tone quite this devilish since Hanzo and McCree were handcuffed together. Not that that situation had ended poorly but Genji's idea of funny was something to be cautious of.  
Takumi and Takeo had taken to the team well, constantly seeking out people to play with them. Though they seemed to know when to amuse themselves, sometimes vanishing for hours and returning caked in dirt and needing a good brush.  
Already Hanzo had ordered a massive amount of toys for them online and maybe even a seven-foot cat tree.   
They were spoiled rotten by their fancy brush.  
He hadn't had a chance to build it yet but figured it was something McCree could assist him with. Anxiety had built in the pit of his stomach. Did McCree even like cats? Neither had really talked much about animals or pets, except the dragons but they didn't really have the same feel as something domestic.   
Hanzo would never disrespect his spirits by ever thinking of them as pets.  
After what seemed like an eternity, McCree and company finally landed. Hanzo had tried keeping Takumi and Takeo out of the bay but they could sense something big was happening and they wanted in.   
The door to the airship lowered and Genji jumped out first, excited like he was a small child again. He didn't immediately see his brother’s companions but they both let out a panicked yowl that had Genji freeze in his tracks.  
It was almost hysterical how his head slowly turned, head tilting until he found the two dark grey cats coming up to inspect him.   
"You have got to be kidding me?? Jesse, get out here now!" McCree muttered a few curses and suddenly he let out a yell and an orange bolt ran from the ship to Takeo and Takumi. The brothers jumped, backing up and hissing at the intruder.   
"What in the-?" McCree's cat was immediately in the brother’s space, meowing loudly and rubbing against both of them. After a single moment of hesitation, the brothers deemed her worthy of their attention.  
Hanzo couldn't fight the laughter that burst out of him and seeing McCree's confused face as he came down sent him over the edge.   
Hanzo had never laughed so hard in his life.   
Arms clutching his stomach, slightly bent over as his lungs burned, he must have looked like a lunatic.   
"Way to go Jesse. You've broken my brother." A loud snort had everyone spin to find that archer flushed red with a hand covering his mouth. He felt his knees go weak so he stumbled to the ground, now trying to force his laughter to stop. His face was bright red but the laughing did eventually taper off into mad giggles.  
The three cats crowded the crazy man, forcing their way under his hands for love and attention.   
"Ya ok Han?" McCree sped over and kneeled before Hanzo, offering a hand to his boyfriend’s cats. What were the odds? They were pretty though, a fun contrast to his orange bundle of love.   
Takeo took to him immediately whereas Takumi stayed close to Hanzo as the man wiped away a few tears. A few deep breaths and Hanzo composed himself. His face was still red but he regained some of his usual sense.  
"Apologies. It seems we have had similar experiences on our missions however." A door suddenly opened, Winston concerned at how long it was taking for everyone to gather and report. At seeing the now three cats around Hanzo, he let out an exaggerated groan.   
"Oh no."   
*  
"Now hold on Winston, that ain't fair!" McCree slammed his hand to the table in frustration. This was bull and everyone knew it.  
"I understand your irritation McCree but we cannot have three cats roaming the base. It was irresponsible for me to allow Hanzo to-" McCree cut him off with a wave of his hand.   
"What if I'd come back first? Come back with little ol' Creamsicle here. Would you have let me keep her?" Winston looks guilty and McCree reclines in his seat.   
"McCree please. Hanzo is-" Winston trusted McCree with a lot of things but somehow didn't see him a reliable pet owner.  
"I told you I have never owned a pet before and you still allowed time to not keep one but two. It is unfair to expect Jesse to part from Creamsicle and not expect the same of me and my two." McCree turns towards Hanzo with a look of utter adoration in his eyes.  
"But-" Winston knew there was no way he was winning this. He dismisses the men with a wave, sighing.  
"Thanks for that Han." Hanzo shrugs; it was only natural for him to support his love.  
"What I said is true. If he thinks you are not qualified to take care of an animal then why am I?" McCree chuckles, Creamsicle rushing him after they leave the conference room.   
"Who's ma best girl?" He scoops the cat up to her delight and immediately she purrs.   
"Creamsicle, hmm? It is a fitting name." Hanzo offers a hand and his hand twitches when she gives his finger a lick. "She is very affectionate." Almost like a certain cowboy.  
"Right? What about your boys? Takumi and Takeo was it?" Hanzo nods, suddenly very excited to show McCree his room.   
He may have gone overboard in cat toys and treat and trinkets.   
Creamsicle would be well cared for.  
"I may have a cat tree waiting to be built." McCree's eyes light up at that and he lets Creamsicle jump from his arms.  
"Let's get goin' then!" Creamsicle vanishes to explore her new home as McCree and Hanzo go to build the cat tree monstrosity. At seeing everything scattered about Hanzo's old room (the two had moved into McCree's some time ago) McCree lets out a low whistle.   
"Jesus Han. All this for two cats?"   
"Leave me alone Jesse! And this is for three cats now so it is a perfectly acceptable amount of toys!" Hanzo's face was burning and McCree drew him into a side hug.   
"Easy Han. Trust me I'd have gone jus' as crazy for Creamsicle alone. Now what's this bout a cat tree?"   
*  
"You repurposed an entire room into a cat paradise?" Genji was chuckling, passing by later that day to see Hanzo and McCree napping on the stripped bed. They had left the door open to allow the cats to come and go as they please.   
The two men were curled up together on the bed, mouths opened slightly as they snored. Genji couldn't help but appreciate a sight he honestly never could have expected. Best friend and brother happy and in love. And now with cats.  
The world certainly works in mysterious ways.  
The tree was built, tall and proud. Platforms and scratching posts a plenty. Creamsicle was napping herself on the tree, one of the wider platforms near the base. Takumi and Takeo sleeping beside her, the three in an oddly colored pile of fur.   
Zenyatta was beside him and leaned to take in the sight. He gave a light chuckle, sure neither man would appreciate being seen like this.   
"They certainly seem happy. A small world that both of them would come across feline companions." Genji nodded at that, slowly tip toeing past the room and gesturing for Zenyatta to follow.  
"My brother found a pair of brothers as well. I like his choice of names though."   
~  
Somehow no one was surprised that Jesse McCree had managed to find the more rambunctious cat.  
Creamsicle loved showing off. Her favorite trick was tormenting Hanzo. He'd be sitting down reading something; slowly she'd approach her target. His ribbon.   
McCree would joke that Takumi and Takeo would dare her to do it. Hanzo would never admit it, but he did agree to an extent.  
With a yowl, she would leap, claws digging into the swaying fabric and using the gravity of her body the ribbon would jerk his head backwards and down his hair would go.   
At this point he'd invested in simpler hair ties and tucked away his nice ribbons for missions.   
Something McCree and Creamsicle seemed to protest.  
Takeo and Takumi were more reserved but when the mood struck them, they were a duo from hell. They thrived on hiding their toys in unconventional spots. When people would step on one and scream, one could swear there was maniacal cat laughter echoing. One of them was always present to witness someone's mini heart attack. Sometimes Creamsicle joined.  
The cats were a welcome addition to the family though. Everyone loved teasing the men about their children. Pointing out similarities between all of them, like fathers like children. McCree and Hanzo were always embarrassed at the jokes, more the thought of being a "true" family with kids.   
It certainly got both of them thinking about the future of their relationship.

**Author's Note:**

> See what I did there at the end?? ;)


End file.
